Midlife crisis  

- Midlife is when you go to the doctor and you realize you are now so old,
you have to pay someone to look at you naked.

- The good news about midlife is that the glass is still half-full...of
course, the bad news is that it won't be long before your teeth are
floating in it.

- Midlife has hit you when you stand naked in front of a mirror and can
see your rear end without turning around.

- You know you are getting old when you go for a mammogram and you realize
it is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless in film.

- Midlife is when you bounce (a lot), but you don't bounce back. (It's
more like Splat!)

- It's very hard to "get jiggy with it" in midlife...jiggly, yes; jiggy,
no.

- Midlife is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top
and scream, "Listen, honey, even the Roman Empire fell, and those things
will too!

- Midlife can bring out your angry, bitter side. You look at your
latte-swilling, beeper-wearing know-it-all teenager and think, "For this I
have stretch marks?

- Midlife is when you realize that if you were a dog, you'd need a
control top flea collar.

- You become more reflective in midlife. You start pondering the "big"
questions -- what is life, why am I here...how much Healthy Choice ice
cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?