Things to think about....
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      1.The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt
      and a leaky tire.

      2.I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows.
      And a foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car
      rusts and...

      3.Follow your dream! Unless it's the one where you're at work
      in your underwear during a fire drill.

      4.If you don't like my driving, don't call anyone. Just take another
      road. That's why the highway department made so many of them.

      5.If a motorist cuts you off, just turn the other cheek. Nothing gets
      the message across like a good mooning.
      

      6.When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog
      run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

      7.Try a little kindness. As little as possible. Into every life some
      rain must fall. Usually when your car windows are down.

      8.Ah, the thrill of modern dance! The sweeping musical majesty, the joy
      of poetic motion, the challenge of stuffin a dollar bill into a
      bouncing bikini brief...

      9.When you find yourself getting irritated with someone, try to remember
      that all men are brothers... and just give them a noogie or an Indian burn.

      10.If genius is one percent inspiration and 99 percent perspiration, I
      wind up sharing elevators with a lot of bright people.

      11.I love playing cards with children. They can't tell you're dealing
      off the bottom of the deck.

      12.Remember: you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar...
      Of course, how you spend your leisure time is your business.

      13.A man's best friend is his dog. That's assuming you want a friend
      who messes on your carpet and drools on your newspaper.

      14.If I won the lottery, I wouldn't be one of those people who
      immediately quit their jobs. I'd make my boss's life a living hell for
      a week or two first.

      15.People who live in glass houses shouldn't cavort nude on top of the
      piano doing gorilla impersonations.

      16.A rose by any other name would stick you just as bad and draw just
      as much blood when you grab a thorn.

      17.It's a small world. So you gotta use your elbows a lot.

      18.This land is your land. This land is my land. So stay on your land.

      19.Love is like a roller coaster: when it's good you don't want to get
      off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.

      20.I've found a sure way to relieve office stress:
           Step 1: take a deep breath
           Step 2: count to 10.
           Step 3: set the boss's wastebasket on fire.