You know you're in trouble when...

            ... Your accountants letter of resignation is
                 postmarked Zurich.

            ... You have to hitch hike to the bank to make
                your car payment.

            ... The little league puts you on waivers.

            ... Your suggestion box starts ticking.

            ... Your secretary tells you the FBI is on line 1, the
                DA is on line 2, and CBS is on line 3.

            ... You see your stockbroker hitchhiking out of town.

            ... You see the captain running toward the railing
                wearing a life jacket.

            ... They pay your wages out of petty cash.

            ... The moths in your money belt starve to death.

            ... You make more than you ever made, owe more
                than you ever owed, and have less than you've
                ever had.

            ... You tell the barber what you think about his prices
                before you get your haircut.

            ... Getting there is half the fun and three-fourths of
                the vacation budget.

            ... The simple instructions enclosed aren't.

            ... People send your wife sympathy cards on your
                anniversary.

            ... Your wife starts charging you rent.

            ... A black cat crosses you path and drops dead.

            ... You take an assertiveness training course and
                you're afraid to tell your wife.

            ... You see your wife and your girlfriend having
                lunch together.

            ... The plumber floats by on your kitchen table.

            ... Your pacemaker has only a thirty day guarantee.
            
            ... There are two elephants, two giraffes, and two
                zebras in your yard and your next door neighbor
                is building an arc.

            ... The candles on your cake set off your smoke
                alarm.

            ... The pest exterminator crawls under your house
                and never comes out.

            ... A copy of your birth certificate comes in the mail
                marked null and void.