No.3 collection of marriage jokes

On their honeymoon night, the burly groom took off his pants and asked his bride to put them on.

The waist alone was twice her body. She said, "I can't wear your pants."

"That's right," intoned the groom, "And don't you forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in the family."

The bride took off her panties and asked her husband to try it on.

"No way. I can't get into your pants."

"That's right. And that's the way it will be until you change your attitude."

Q: Why are gingerbread men the best men of all?

They are cute. They are sweet. and if they give you any lip, you can bite their heads off.

A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.

ADAM TO EVE: Hey! I wear the plants in this family!

Before marriage, a man will lie awake all night thinking about something you say. After marriage, he'll fall asleep before you finish...

Did you hear about the bachelor who put on a pair of clean socks every day? At the end of the week he couldn't get his shoes on.

HER: Do you know whatever happened to the couple who met in the revolving door? HIM: I think they're still going around together.

MRS MURPHY'S LAW: If anything can go wrong, it will go wrong when

Q: What do you call two spiders who just got married?

Newlywebs.
Whatever happened to the bedbugs who fell in love?
They got married in the spring.
Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and an expert at making breakfast.

Q: What's the difference between a lightbulb and a pregnant lady?

You can't unsrew a pregnant lady! ;)
TRUE LOVE:
A young man was extoling the virtues of his beautiful fiancee. One of his closest friends said to him: "You can't be serious about marrying Sarah Jane! Why, she's dated every man in Phoenix." The bridegroom-to-be thought awhile and then muttered pensively, "Phoenix isn't such a big town."

Three words guaranteed to destroy any man's ego: "Is it In?" The three words most hated by men (after "Is it in?): Are you done? Three words women hate to hear when having sex... "Honey, I'm home!"

Do you know what they call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? -A widow.

A woman entered the hospital to deliver her 15th child. "Congratulations," said the nurse, "but don't you think this is enough?" The woman replied, "Are you kidding? This is the only vacation I get each year."

Man: Rules the roost. Woman: Rules the rooster.