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A collection of jokes **************************************************************** Why is sex like pot ? The quality depends on the pusher. What does a Nympho have in common with a battery? They're both ever-ready. What are the first four words in every Mexican cookbook? "First, steal a chicken..." What do you get when you cross an Irishman and a Jew? An alcoholic who buys his liquor wholesale! Did you hear about the new sushi bar that caters exclusively to lawyers? It's called, Sosumi **************************************************************** Have you heard about the two poor gays that always wanted to be buried together? After they died, the mortician cremated them and put them in a fruit jar. **************************************************************** What are the ideal measurements for a man? ~ 80-20-102. 80 years old, 20 million in the bank, and a 102 degree fever. How can you tell if your man has manners? ~ He gets out of the bathtub to pee. What do get when you cross a rabbit with a spider? ~ A hare net! What's six inches long, two inches wide and drives a woman crazy? ~ Hundred dollar bills ... and where was your mind? Why do you find ghosts hanging around liquor stores? ~ That's where they get their boo's. How do you get a Harvard graduate off of your front porch? ~ Pay him for the pizza! What's the difference between a beer and a booger? ~ A beer goes on the table, a booger goes under it. ***************************************************************** A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anesthetic. After he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man. "He don't know nothing now." ******************************************************************* "Genetic scientists say that one day it will be possible to grow new body parts, like new breasts and new hands. It's going to be a huge moneymaker, because you know that as soon as women grow another breast, men will want another hand" ******************************************************************** Todd and Bill were discussing the new secretary at their office. Todd to Bill: "Man, I dated her last Tuesday and we had wonderful sex. She's a lot better in bed than my wife!" Two days later. Bill to Todd: "Well, I dated her too and we had sex as well, but she sure isn't a lot better than your wife." ********************************************************************* |
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